DON'T FIGHT THE FEELING

Kablooey!!

2009-10-29T22:19:17Z

Life is getting sooo much better ... lots of progress :D

Things are definitely looking up and improving. Now i just have to start talking to other people to expand on this sweet progress.

It really is the little things in life lol <3

I guess this is growing up

2009-08-18T21:23:46Z

No more crutches ... those being alcohol or hell even people. :( not fair to others and not fair to me on top of that.

More positivity. There is always a bright side to something.

No more sweating the small stuff. Worrying needs to go out the window ... and if it does happen it should only be about me and my actions.

ME ME ME ME ME ME. Working it out. Positive, healthy changes! Yes, GO, Game On!

Don't forget the soap...

2009-08-12T19:29:00Z

Meteor showerrrr last night! Little bit dinky, but still fun!

Sitting on a mountain top for 2 and a half hours stargazing = amazing!! Much needed time to relaxxxx and be free lol. Dancing, flashlights, pandoraaaaa. B-Ray forgot the soap, but i forgot the camera hahaha and towels apparently. Thank goodness for Matt's crackberry ... Look to the north and shield your eyes from the moon. BEST ADVICE EVER. ... if only the meteors got the memo lol. Sooo good! More nights like that need to happen <3

stitutepro @ 2009-08-11T16:03:00

2009-08-11T23:04:52Z

It amazes me how two people can perceive the same situation so entirely different from one another.

i cannot get enough of theseeee

2009-08-08T00:43:08Z

(519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

craziness all around. what is this teethy business?! :O how depressing hahaha.

lots of talking, lots of crying, lots of drinking, lots of lots of things ... LOTS OF LEARNINGGGGGG.

baby steps ... living in the NOW. No Past. No Future. NOWWWWWWWWWWW. :D

Oh glorious findings

2009-07-24T17:13:30Z

Two Texts I Will Forever Remember LOL.

(703): we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'

(562): omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.

Wow.

2009-07-20T08:30:39Z

Where do the freakin years gooooooo? trip down memory lane ...

weird how so many people resurface and change and go away and do it all again. Weird how everyone changes but i am stuck on repeat :( . got a lot to work on

sooooooo awkward HAHA! so incredibly awkward i am indeed.

Well, it was fun while it lasted.

2009-06-01T19:49:04Z

Forward we go ... time better fix this and fix it in the way i want for once. Positive Polly (or pushy lol).

how do you bullshit a bullshitter?

2009-05-27T03:27:47Z

Ahhh! :(

I feel like an ounce of him is telling the truth and not being the asshole he probably is, but i just dont know how to read him and no one else does either unless its confirming assholeness. I just want him to figure it out and come running back. I want him to be different because i know he can be. Gahh i am just buying into his lies and this is another hung up on you for foreverr dude in my life.

He could just do so much more with his life and i want to see him do it. I want to wait around, but not if he is gonna treat me like this i know i have to leave and i know that he is purposely pushing me away because he is scared of so many things. I want to be there for him and i want him to let me in more than he has. If he fucks himself up even more i dont know how i could handle that.

I am just going to take time and see where i end up. I have to have faith that i will end up somewhere amazing because i have worked so hard to get where i am.

Monica is right ... we are the only people with our heads on our shoulders around here and it is hard to watch.

RAWRRR.

I am a little sick of saying i want things to be different with a guy, but i was really hoping for it with this one. He is just so different and interesting and entertaining and i wish he would see it because i do and i feel more comfortable in my own skin when i am around him too. I think we could be a good balance for each other. That ZODIAC shit is crazy! I am making my own fairytale land now ... i hate when this happens. I need a reality check and sadly i am sure he is going to give up with his round about answers and give it to me. That is going to hurt so bad, but i know its what i am waiting for and i won't get things thru my head till it actually happens. UGH.

stitutepro @ 2009-05-14T21:42:00

2009-05-15T04:43:32Z

gonna leave before i get left.

::edit:: puhhhlease ... who was i kidding i am already in over my head on this one. NEW PLAN taking a step back and attempting to care less ... this sounds slightly less ridiculous for my doing capabilities.
RAWR.

:/

2009-05-14T19:29:06Z

there are some things i dont know how to change about myself.

i thought i was getting there but obviously some habits die fucking hard.
crazy crazy crazy crazy.

anxiety and me have been back to buddy buddy. FML. I need to stop freaking out. I want to hide forever ... i think i am supposed to be alone ... i make things too complicated to actually be with someone. it hasnt even been that long and the freak outs have already gotten started. part of me hopes i am soooooo wrong on this and the other part knows i am dead on. same thing always happens ... and it happens to me bad.

he's a firm believer in karma. and honesty ... i hope my honesty doesnt bite me in the ass like i know the karma he believes in plans on.

i hope this rant pushes anxiety away but we will have to see.

fuck insecurites.

sheesh!

2009-04-23T00:10:38Z

soooo stressed :( i am the most senioritis-y student who is nowhere near being a senior everrr hahah
this school work is killing me ... i just want to work and be done with this bullshit class stuff

outside of school is fabby tho! ... i made class friends but i still go home too much - i always get wrangled back there some way or another - and it sillyily doesn't help that my new closest friends are from back home ... can't help that i love them

roommates suck major dick! hahaha kerri def told me so but it's too late now and hopefully life will be better once august comes around. i cannot wait for fucking august :/ i hate this house and want to be happy somewhere else. i am sick of holes in walls alcohol drip drop stains and soooo much more yeauchhh.

trying to workout at least 2 days a week. starting slow ... kind of working

i get butterflies too much, too. they need to be less and work out more hahah.

omg movies! i am missing so many because i am out here :( sad sad face. SOMEONE TAKE ME OUT TO THE MOVIES

Oh Life how you are crazy! good and bad I shall deal with you somehow.

ooooo i finally have a camera again. and it is summery! and i am trying to see the bright side till august lol.
not really informative but i needed to get some stuff out ... wooty woo!

btw my hair has changed sooo much is the past year and a half lol ... i loove it and want to change it more ... i get bored so easily i am counting on my biotin to work tho once i start it yayz!

blah blah blah OH ELjay i've missed you ♥

It's weird...

2008-10-22T05:45:48Z

It's weird how I miss so much about what i wanted to run away from.

I guess I'll be running in circles for a while now.

EDIT:: Post Script...it still bothers me how much i mss your dumb ass, too :/

09-23-08

2008-09-24T05:15:16Z

CHEST 2 VIEW SIGN OFF COMPLETE!

first one in my clinical to sign off on anything. i am so stoked and proud hahaha.
Eeeeeeeeeeee! Things are looking up school-wise at least. woohoo!

Now i just need to study more and go for the gold with other x-rays.

Outside of school i need to make some freaking girlfriends or friends in general :/ ... this is harder than i thought. i think i will end up trying to squeeze in a job to meet some outsiders to get the ball rolling on this.

Let's hope i find where i fit in here.

Traumatizing hilarious events!

2008-08-05T18:54:15Z

Cheesy music and bra left behind ... neeeded to be done hahaha.

that was a nite for the books and so was last night.

ice blocking bandits! nitepants (aka diapers) and Quarterro the cop ... pictures to go with too hahaha

Awkward

2008-06-30T20:31:20Z

This year has really just sucked.

With friends especially ... i am having the worst luck when it comes to them. I dont know what it is, but things just like to go wrong all at once.
I am having a hard time fitting in somewhere. My friend groups keep changing and I am often left out of them now. How do i change this????????????

It's really hard for me to confide my troubles to someone ... they either have no way of relating or they have past judgements or both so they dont hear me.
And thats another thing ... PEOPLE DONT HEAR ME :( i feel like i am talking to walls So i repeat myself but they only acknowledge that ive said something over again.

I cannot wait to finally move. It will be a hard adjustment, but I really need it. Maybe I'll fit in at school.

Maybe 2008 will turn around for the better ... I guess it has to .... How much worse could it really get?

I'm just really scared for some reason and all of this makes me really sad.
I hope things get better.

We'll see ...

2008-04-15T17:50:45Z

OPERATIION: Giving Up starts today.
(maybe it'll stick this time)

lost as ever ...

2008-04-02T06:32:36Z

i always want to write in here, but i never know what to say :/ . everything is uber confusing lately ... very few things are going right. i just feel so lost and empty. usually it goes away ... this time it just kind of sits and lingers in the back of my mind.

so many things are changing, yet nothing has changed at all. im just stuck ... in a rut ... troubled to get out. there are so many directions that i want to go, but the timing is all sorts of wrong. i feel locked down to this path i was pressured to take. guilted into so much shit.

I really just want to leave, but then im just scared shitless of that too. there is no middle ground for me right now.

maybe ill get a sign.

Revalationnnnnnnn

2007-10-02T07:36:24Z

lol. a year ago today is such a relevant post. i had a revalation tonight ... hopefully it sticks. im much better than what i get put through sometimes.

p.s. wish me luck on my stats test tomorrow im really nervous. ooo and i saw a boy who looked like jake gyllenhal in the library today ... i stared kinda.

p.p.s. slash post post script. i am in love with taking photographs and i am sad i havent used my camera in a while. I really need to get on that.

yayyy for seastar coming home this weekend i miss her.<3.

i don't like these cold nights.

2007-09-20T07:12:36Z

Yayyyy i can hear again! annnnd i freaking hate autumn. it is like the worst season everrrrr. yeauch.

stitutepro @ 2007-09-05T01:04:00

2007-09-05T08:06:05Z

i like how simple things such as the park or going for my walks or ice blocking can make me sooo happy. eeeeee.

:(

2007-08-21T16:23:29Z

today has bad day written all over it.

Life is Good.

2007-08-03T06:47:45Z

Sooo much has changed in the past year, it's incredible. I am in love with my life right now and the friends i have and how close i have grown to all of them recently. I am sad two of my besties are leaving me but now i will be able to go on adventures to visit them. I like feeling that i have grown up this year. I changed my life around for the better and i feel i am on my way to fitting in! It is really very exciting. There are still some things i have to work on on myself but i am definitely turning into who i want to be. And if it werent for my lovelies pushing me along i wouldnt be where i am right now lol. I am learning to be happy with myself and i just need to put all my pieces together and i am good to go! But i am just really proud of myself cause i have been through tons of ups and downs this year and i am still here ready for the next bumpy patch life throws at me. And i cant wait to see where i will be next summer. Im really looking forward to the future now lol. YAYYY for being happy!

♥♥♥
love you all.

s.o.s. bring booze and cowboy hats

2007-07-15T09:15:48Z

today was a freaking busy dayyyyyyyy i got pulled in a pool fully clothed then had to rush to regal to see 2 freaking movies lol thennnn got some hometown buffet and tramp stamps hahahah AND THEN brinnae and i popped my borderline cherry ...

it was country night hahahaha and it was ridiculous ... we are gonna dress up and go to the lessons on thursday and be pro at them and the most cowboyest cowboy in the place asked me to dance and taught me the two step i felt soooo silly

gooooooood gooooood day <333 now i am gonna crash lolz

deathhhh to mapquest!!

2007-06-08T10:17:20Z

ohhh geeez crazy night do to the stupidity of mapquest. oy vey. at least we found the hustler store and mel's diner hahaha so our night wasnt entirely wasted. <3.